We’ve almost all been through it. That dreadful day. It’s either you pulling the trigger, or the asshole whose about to break your heart. But one things for sure, someone is going to be leaving hurt, alone, and questioning their existence. There are a few simple ways to get yourself over a breakup, but many women aren’t ready to take these steps. I have probably been through the most awful breakups, and sat on my couch for days, upset, depressed, questioning if I’ll ever get married, if I’ll ever have children. Why do we do that to ourselves?! We’re just adding unneeded pressure on ourselves, when we should take the time to reflect and get ready for our next rendezvous. Regardless of if you take the time to listen to me, just let these steps sit in your mind for a bit.
Step One: Let yourself be upset. Nothing is worse than trying to be strong at home, when everyone can see you mourning inside. If you feel like you want to stay in bed and watch Netflix all day, then do it. If you want to order Chinese food, and have wine with your Pit bull snuggled up on the couch, then do it. You need to give yourself the proper time to reflect on what happened, and recover. I give myself 3 days. 3 days to be lazy, sad, alone, and deep in thought. Within those three days I typically cry, cry some more, cry a little more, and then cry a lot more until there’s nothing left. After those 3 days I tell myself I’m not going to let myself cry over that loser anymore, and I’m going to get back into my normal life. Do it. I dare you. It WORKS.
Step Two: Get your butt in the gym. Whether you have a membership already, or you need to buy one, go to the gym. I recommend getting on the treadmill and sprinting a mile as fast as you can, with all the anger from your recent ex built up in your mind. Yes, you may cry, and yes it is OK. I have been sprinting and crying my eyes out at the same time, but you know what? Getting those endorphin’s going seriously helps you feel happier, and you WILL forget about his face for a while. The gym is also a place to make new friends, and surround yourself with healthy minded people, which is exactly what you need. No one there will be speaking about drama or relationships, they will all be encouraging one another, and that is what you need at this sensitive and emotional time. You need to invest your time in something healthy, and emotionally healing, and let me tell you… the gym is just that. Who knows, maybe even a sexy Channing Tatum will be lifting weights right next to you.
Step Three: Socialize yourself again. Shit, who cares what you do, just do SOMETHING. Walk into your town library, go to the gym, go to the local pizza place, take yourself out to lunch, call a friend you haven’t seen in forever, go on a walk downtown and then treat yourself to a coffee. Notice that all the places I mentioned have other people in them, which is what you need. Once the tears stop, that’s when you will start looking for something else to fill your time, and instead of just looking for the next Mr. Wrong, I mean right, you should spend the time doing things that make you happy, and getting to know yourself all over again, because believe it or not, you are a new person.
Step Four: You have to realize that it’s OK to be by yourself, and not have a man in your life. I swear, women learn from a young age from these princess movies that we need a man to take care of us, and to make us happy. We want fairy tales, and a land made out of peaches and cream. Sorry ladies, but stop expecting that, because there are not many men out there that are going to be your Prince Charming. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not telling you to accept less, or settle, I’m telling you strictly that you need to stop wanting a man to take care of you and make you happy. You need to take care of yourself, and make yourself happy. This is all about becoming a stronger independent woman, and a stronger YOU. You deserve it.
Step Five: Don’t jump to your ex, or best guy friend, just because it’s comforting. Ladies, we’ve all done it. We get dumped, and then we walk a few steps backwards to the previous jerk that left you. It’s stupid, and please don’t move backward. There’s a reason you two ended, and there’s no reason to look back. Don’t kiss someone just because you miss the sex, or cuddle someone just because your lonely, or date someone just because you’re bored. This is all just a waste of time, and not letting yourself be available for a new opportunity to come your way. Just because something feels comfortable, doesn’t mean it’s right. It does feel good to have someone give you a big hug after you feel no one loves you, but do you need to kiss them after that? No. Do you need to sleep with them? No. Do you need to become all obsessed with them next to get you past your last lover? No. You just need to keep walking forward. And never look back.
You are an independent woman. You do deserve the best. You will receive the best once you open yourself up to it. You can be alone, you can try new things, and you can meet new people. Always remember that with loss, comes sadness, and that’s okay. It’s good to feel emotions, because if you didn’t you’d be a sociopath, and that’s a story for a whole different blog post. Take your time alone to think about what happened, and then think of new things to revolve your mind around; healthy things, and happy things.
I hope this blog post has helped you, because these are the steps I follow when I go through a traumatic event, and feel I’ll never come out of it.